I'm such a meanie sometimes!

My husband is stressed. He is stressed over the new house, about the apartment, about work. He is currently napping, I think, not only because he is tired, but because it's the only way he can turn off the stress sometimes. He is a good man. No, he is a great man. He supports us, he loves us, and he is good to us. So why do I give him such a hard time about the dumbest things???
  I realized the other day that I can be kind of harsh to my husband. I don't do it intentionally, I adore him, and have no desire to make him unhappy. Every couple has their 'things'. Each person does things that makes the other momentarily insane. Brian will leave plastic food wrappers in the sink when he trash can is only two feet away. He leaves his socks all over the house. He uses my favorite towel and leaves it wet, slung over the shower curtain bar. And I, in turn, get angry.
  I can't remember exactly what I was doing when I realized that there are of course things that I do that make him shake his head, but he never says a word about them. The most prominent would be me scolding him about the things that bug me. Over. And over. And over again. And when I had this realization, that I am sometimes a real brat to my husband, I instantly felt horrible. He doesn't deserve it. He is a really good guy.
  This whole thing with the house has been a long, dragged out process. It is making us both go grey, we are exhausted and just want a place to call ours. But Brian sees more. He sees it as his job to give his family a home, a place for Beau to grow up and our dogs to run around. He is worried that he won't be able to make all of that happen, and all I can say is 'it will all work out'. I really do think it will, but I don't know how else to get that across to him.
  And so, I am going to stop haranguing him about dirty socks and zip lock bags in the sink. We have more towels than we know what to do with, I don't need to claim a favorite (it's huge, blue and has a hole in the corner). I do need to stop and think more often, try to put myself in his shoes. For someone I seem to pick on he never snaps, he never tells me that my constant need to hold the remote irritates him, he steps over my (15) pairs of shoes on the floor. He is a good man, and I am so happy that he will be a role model for our son.
My point is, we get so busy, so wound up in our own little universes that it's easy to pick out the negatives. We-I- need to stop and pay attention to all of the positives, because, lets be honest. I am pretty damn lucky!

Home

We have less than three weeks until closing on our house. I can't wait to move in and make it ours. And to start working on my favorite part, the backyard.
  The backyard was a major selling point for us, knowing that we will be able to open the door and let our dogs out without the struggle of leashes and distractions that we have now. And for me, the backyard offers a little slice of heaven. It has a few big trees, Oaks, I think, they cast lots of shade and create the perfect place for me to sit and write and think and relax. I am never more relaxed than I am outside. When I a surrounded by trees and grass and the smell of earth, ahhhh, I can already feel myself unwinding. Nature really is my religion, I gain a great sense of calm when I'm outdoors. I think it's being in contact with all things living, feeling the earth pulse, the wind blow and the sun shine.

The view from our patio, it may not look like much now but it is ours and I love it.

  We have plans for a vegetable garden, flower beds, a swing set for Beau and lots of time spent just enjoying life. I can't wait to dig and plant, watch our son grow and our dogs play. There's a clothesline that needs to be restrung, I can already see myself out there in the mornings, hanging laundry while Beau gets some fresh air. I see us grilling and enjoying the warm fall evenings, sitting and talking, just enjoying each others company.
  I've always been sort of anti-social, not really caring to get to know my neighbors, preferring my solitude. But I am actually looking forward to meeting our neighbors. Our neighborhood is small, cozy, and I'm hoping it's the kind of place where people look out for one another. I saw a family about our age the last time we stopped to look at the house, it would be great to have people to hang out with on the weekends. It would almost feel wasteful to have a garden and not share it with people.
I sat down to write this morning, not really knowing what I was going to write about. I've been so consumed with packing and planning and all that goes with moving that I really thought I'd end up with a list. I guess in a way it is, it's a list of my dreams.

Independence Day

Good morning, America., it's Independence Day. The day most look forward to as a mid-summer chance to relax, have a party, watch some fireworks and BBQ. Often just called the 4th, it's important to remember all of those who keep this country free and independent.
  I have never been deployed, and I am eternally thankful for that. Everyday I see images of Service Men and Women saying their goodbyes to their kids, significant others, family members, only to board a plane and land in place where they are unwanted. You don't have to agree with the war or decisions of the President, or anything political. But we all need to support the Troops. It is because of people who are willing to lay down their lives, to say that last goodbye, that we have the freedoms we do today. These Soldiers, Sailors Marines, Airmen don't do it for the paycheck, they don't do it because they are bored, it certainly isn't as glamorous as what you see in movies and video games. They do it because they feel a sense of pride in their Country. Because they feel it is their obligation to the people of this Nation to keep us safe. Because they are brave, putting themselves on line so that their loved ones can remain free.
  This country was founded by people who fled persecution, they came to America and they fought for their freedom.  People with far less training and equipment than what is available today. They fought because they believed in something, they wanted to protect their families, their rights and all they had worked for.
  Scrolling through the news today I saw several stories that make me more than thankful to live in America. Three people beheaded in Syria, the Egyptian Coup, horrible living conditions in North Korea, in Africa, in the Middle East. Places where women must cover themselves from head to toe, places where a difference of opinion could mean public death. Constant bombings, constant war, not knowing if your home will be blown up while you sleep.
  And I sit here, writing this, with the freedom to express myself. The United States may not be what everyone wants it to be right at this moment, but it is still a free country. Big Brother may be reading what I write but I still have the freedom to write it.
  During my Military career I came in contact everyday with Soldiers who had served on multiple deployments. These Men and Women often carry not only physical scars, but emotional scars as well. They have nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, depression, you name, I've seen it. I've seen Soldiers fight to stay in the Army just because their friends are going on another deployment and they can't bear to not be with them. Each and every Soldier and Service Man and Woman feels total responsibility for the person next them, their Brothers and Sisters in Arms. Because they have built these relationships while fighting for our Country. While they sleep in the dirt, take fire in the middle of the night, watch their friends die, we are safe in our homes with our loved ones.
  The American Spirit runs deep, we value our freedom and our ability to live as we like. It is because of everyone Man and Woman who has fought for this Country that we have those rights. Please remember that today is not just the 4th of July, it is a symbol of our Country, a reminder of all those great people who laid down their lives to ensure that we could be happy.