Upside Down and Rightside Up

In the past I have written about my struggles with depression and anxiety, not because I want sympathy, but because I feel that it is still a stigmatized subject. Last year I was seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, working with a combination of medications and trying to fix myself. Then I stopped going. I stopped taking my meds because they made me feel foggy and not quite connected with the world around me. I wanted to try to handle things on my own, and I did a pretty good job of it for a while. Or so I thought.
  A few weeks ago my husband and I got into an argument in the car, in front of Beau, which is something we try to avoid for Beau's sake. It was over something stupid, I can't even remember what, and, as was becoming more common, I shut down. I was silent, staring out the window, trying not to cry. The argument was not worth crying about, not worth the time or energy I attached to it. It was just a dumb fight. Suddenly Brian looked at me and said "do you see yourself?". Ouch. And with that reality smacked me in the face and I realized I wasn't handling anything as well as I thought I was.
  I made an appointment with my psychiatrist a few days later and am now almost a week back into a med schedule. This WILL sound corny, but all of a sudden the world is right side up again. I have started going to drill again, I just got a job, after two years of searching(!!!), Beau has finally made the jump to cow's milk and is sleeping in his bed in his own room. Some of that sounds like small stuff, but to me it's a big deal. And instead of stressing and losing sleep over some - or - all of it, I can relax and be happy about it.
  The meds are having some odd side effects, but they are tolerable, and I finally admitted to myself that sometimes I need help. Be it talking to someone, trying to rewire my brain or just finally relaxing, I needed it. Mental illness is way too common to be ignored. No one should be ashamed or fearful of asking for help. Having a mental illness does not make us bad people, it is simply a flaw in the human code.

How to correctly select a movie (if you're a Curtis)

I have inherited many wonderful things from my parents. One of the funnier things is how I choose a movie from the on demand menu. I thought I was alone in my often lengthy process until I visited my parents. I am definitely my father's daughter.

It begins innocently enough. I feel like watching a movie, but I'm picky and because I love movies. I have seen.them.all. So the 'process' begins.

1. Open on demand movie menu and scroll through the new releases.

Seen it, seen it, seen it, that looks stupid, blah, boring...

2. Go to the Genre menu, select horror-sci-fi.

3. Scroll through each one, looks stupid, bad ratings on IMDB (which is open on my cell so I can easily cross reference), ohhh, another sorority sister slasher? Nope. Next. 

4. This looks interesting, I'll read the info. Okay, this is a possibility...

5. But...there might be a better movie. So, scroll some more. Ohhhh, alien encounters...ugh, that one is $6, no way.

6. Another possibility. Wait, what was the other one I just saw? Crap. Scroll back up. Why can't I like, put a post-it on the ones I like???

7. Back to scrolling...another bad rip off of Texas Chain Saw, not interested. That one has little kids in it. Nope, creepy. In a  bad way. 

8. Okay, I think I found the one. But that one looks good, too. 

9. Maybe I should watch a thriller instead.  

10. No, I want to watch a scary movie. What was the one I read about on Facebook a month ago? Damn. Never mind. 

11. Sigh. This one got good reviews on IMDB and it has 7/10 stars. Okay, this is the one. Yup, I'm sure. I just have to remember the other 6 I want to watch next time. 

And the next time I watch a movie it will be the same process. As I am performing my search I can feel both my husband and mother rolling their eyes. JUST PICK ONE ALREADY!!