I'm Really Pissed

I've been in the National Guard for 6 years. I took some time off after I had my son but when I got called back to drill I showed up. Because it's my job. Because I want my son to know that his mom did some bad ass stuff. Because I want him to know that women are strong and can have a family and work and still hold it all together.
Tomorrow I was supposed to leave for the dreaded two week Annual Training. Two weeks in barracks, working what seem like nonstop hours, two weeks of being tired and dirty and missing home. And as much as I would have missed Beau and my husband and home I wanted to go. Because it would have been my last annual training. My last chance to feel what being in the military really means to me. Some of my fondest memories come from annual trainings passed.
  My bags are packed, in the trunk of my car. My uniform is laid out ready to be put on, bright and early. And then it all fell apart. The person responsible for watching Beau decided, apparently, that I'm a terrible mother for fulfilling my obligations and I'm 'throwing my child into a world of chaos'.
  I had to make a call to my NCO at 8:30 tonight to explain why I am letting my section and my unit down. Why I cannot do what I am contractually obligated to do. And thankfully she understood and so did my Commander. And I will be able to make up my time in the office after everyone gets back. What I won't be able to make up are the memories I would have made or the feeling of letting myself down. Or the fear that people will think I'm not there because I couldn't handle it.
  Normally I don't vent about crap like this on here, but tonight I am just so pissed and disappointed that I have to get it out. As much as the days drag on and I never feel truly clean, even after 3 showers and fresh clothes, I wanted to go. Because there is camaraderie, there is friendship and laughs and a desperation to pass the hours and a need to get through it all.
And now I can't. My last hurrah has been taken away and I'm pissed.